Acceptance is Fertile Soil
by Jana Peterson
A series in which I write about some of my favorite quotes.
Back in the 70’s and 80’s, Dr. James Dobson wasn’t the only one writing to parents. While Dobson was busy telling parents how to obtain desired behavior from their strong-willed children, Dr. Thomas Gordon was busy creating very different, positive tools for parents. When Dobson and others wrote books that empowered parents through controlling methods, Gordon’s work offered a much-needed alternative that empowers parents to raise self-disciplined children who learn very early they are worthy of love and belonging.
One of the books authored by Dr. Gordon, Teaching Children Self-Discipline at Home and at School: New Ways Parents and Teachers Can Build Self-Control, Self-Esteem and Self-Reliance, is a direct response to the plethora of power-to-the-parent books that dominated these decades. After spending the first half of this book breaking down all the ways traditional parenting methods are not helpful, Dr. Gordon uses the final 150 pages to propose alternative, non-controlling methods that invite adults into an entirely different relationship with children. Foundational to Dr. Gordon’s work is the high priority he puts on children experiencing acceptance from the adults who care for them. He writes, “Acceptance is like the fertile soil that permits a tiny seed to develop into the lovely flower it is capable of becoming.”[1]
Having been raised under Dr. Dobson’s power-to-the-parent methods, I have been on quite a therapeutic journey to genuinely accept myself for who I am and reclaim my sense of worthiness. Intuitively, Gordon’s quote resonated so deeply within my bones when I first read it that I chose to put it on the back of my business cards. Acceptance is absolutely one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves, our children, and our community.
I have heard it said that we only grow in a crucible, that it is only when we are weighed down with the weight of life’s difficulties that we develop character. Although this may be true for such things as diamonds or pearls, when it comes to people, I agree with Gordon. More like plants, humans of any age are more likely to grow and flourish in safe, caring, supportive environments where there is room for radical belonging.
May we be the kind of people who demonstrate genuine acceptance to those around us!
[1] Thomas Gordon, Teaching Children Self-Discipline at Home and at School: New Ways Parents and Teachers Can Build Self-Control, Self-Esteem and Self-Reliance (New York, NY: Times Books, 1989), 179.
For more information on Gordon Training International, please click HERE.